As an adolescent, I remember being teased for all types of things: “being too nice” and “talking too white” are two that immediately come to mind. One of my classmates even said that I was “fake” because “nobody is that upbeat all the time.” As an adult, I’ve come to realize that childish behavior doesn’t necessarily end with childhood. Even adults who should be mature can engage in foolishness like this, spewing hate on others completely unprovoked. We live in a society where people spend time — on a daily basis — tearing others down on various social media platforms. Some almost seem to get a rise out of putting other people down.
So, as parents, how do we prepare our kids to handle haters and overcome negativity? Giving your kids a strong spiritual foundation will always be my No. 1 go-to. However, having candid conversations with your children about teasing and bullying from an early age is also important. One of the most crucial lessons to teach our kids, however, is about the power of their reactions: How they handle negativity — whether good or bad — will ultimately determine how well they can move forward from any conflict they’re facing.
I believe that when you instill the love of Christ in your children, they are able to share this love with others through their words and actions. Giving our children a strong spiritual foundation doesn’t mean they will be perfect or never make any mistakes, but it does mean they will feel convicted and be more inclined to do the right thing. If we raise our children using biblical principles, they will usually be more resilient as well.
Because Jesus Christ was the perfect role model, we have an example to follow. He was challenged at every turn, mocked and criticized. His character was constantly attacked and folks accused him of all sorts of things. Yet, he never acted ugly or treated his aggressors the way they treated him in return. Jesus continued to treat people with love in spite of their actions. Whenever I’ve encountered negativity from others, I remind myself that I’m not better than Jesus and he experienced a lot of turmoil on account of some of his peers. Like Him, I try as often as possible to take the high road. When I fall short, I ask for forgiveness and work to do better the next time around.
My husband and I often talk with our boys about bullying, and we explain that kids can be cruel. However, we also remind them that when someone is unkind, it is usually because they are lacking love and support. Typically, when people lash out at others, it is usually a cry for help. When having these candid conversations with our kids, we tell Jacob and Joshua often that the best thing they can do is ignore ignorance and offer up a prayer for those people. This doesn’t mean that they should tolerate disrespect or physical harm, but another person’s words should never cause them to act outside of their character.
Although words matter and can definitely hurt feelings, ultimately, words are words. We have to teach our kids to rise above and have thick skin. Yes, they will have feelings — we are all human, and as parents, we should encourage our children to work through their emotions. However, we never want them to be so overcome by their emotions that they allow them to completely dictate their actions.
How we choose to respond to negativity will usually dictate the result of the conflict. If we feed into it or stoop to the other person’s level, we can almost guarantee a poor outcome. By choosing to ignore those that try to bring us down, we are doing three things. First, we show maturity because to be clear, going high when others decide to go low is never easy. Our initial instinct is to get back at them or make them feel the pain they caused us. But while going low may be the easiest thing to do, it doesn’t solve the issue and it certainly won’t make the situation better.
Second, we set a positive example for the other party involved. In most cases, they may not follow our lead. But there are those rare occasions when we actually give someone food for thought. Even if they never come back and apologize for their actions, they will carry themselves differently moving forward.
Third, we release ourselves from the weight of their negativity. Just because someone tries to dim your light doesn’t mean that you have to let them. Use their negativity as fuel and shine that much brighter. I’ve heard the phrase, “I’m giving them the same energy they gave me.” I challenge you to give them better energy than they gave you.
In the end, we can’t control how other people view us, nor can we control someone else’s actions. We do, however, have full control over ourselves. Regardless of what others do or say, take the high road and spread positivity. Ultimately, you reap what you sow — plant good seeds, reap a good harvest!
Dr. Jade L. Ranger is a pharmacist at The Prescription Shoppe, a full-service pharmacy that she owns with her husband. She is mom to two boys, ages 10 and 6, and author of “Mustard Seed Mentality,” available at Amazon.com.
