Out with the old and in with the new: Teaching our kids to approach change with confidence and grace!
Nelson Mandela once said, “I never lose. I either win or learn.” I’ve always thought his statement was so profound. If we change our perspective, a perceived loss can transform into lessons that lead to success. As 2023 is coming to a close and we reflect on the ups and downs of this past year, I hope we can all say that we learned a few things. Ideally, we can apply these lessons in 2024 to improve and better ourselves.
As parents, we learn that change is unavoidable pretty quickly. We watch our children grow from little bundles of joy to curious toddlers, from energetic kids to hormonal teenagers going through puberty, from teenagers to young adults; and before we know it, they are completely grown altogether. They will experience changing bodies, changing perspectives and even changing interests. They will experience being disappointed by a friend or love interest, or maybe being let down by an untrustworthy coworker or boss. They will experience rejection when they don’t make the team, get the part in the play or get asked out for the homecoming dance. Friendships will grow apart, breakups will happen and colleagues will move on to other job opportunities.
The truth is, change can be scary and unsettling. Many of us have experienced the fear of the unknown, but we also know that we cannot let fear paralyze us. As our children experience transition, how do we help them maintain inner peace? How do we help them push through the uncomfortable feelings that accompany major life changes? While the methods may look different for each of us, in every circumstance, we can help our children learn and grow from life’s transitions by giving them tools to navigate change.
One of the tools that I’ve found to help my kids approach change with confidence is knowing their self-worth. I make it clear to them that they may not always win, but losses don’t mean that failure is who they are. The key is to learn something from every situation. My husband and I try to drive home this perspective by having them ask themselves four important questions in each circumstance: What happened? What did I contribute to the outcome? How can I make adjustments? What do I need to move on? I remind them constantly that nobody is perfect, and we all make mistakes. What’s most important is how we come back from our mistakes.
Other tools we share with our children include faith, self-love, leadership and open-mindedness. We are currently helping our boys cultivate their own relationships with Christ. We teach and model for them that when life gets hard and you feel that you can’t make it, God will always be there to carry them through — if we let him. My husband and I also discuss self-love with our children on a daily basis. We believe that positive affirmations can instill confidence and help them become comfortable in their own skin. Additionally, we push them to be leaders rather than followers. We encourage them to do their own research and develop their own opinions, rather than taking someone else’s word for it. Lastly, we encourage them to do their best, then accept the outcome. If they have put their all into something and didn’t get the results that they hoped for, we remind them that sometimes rejection is God’s protection. When God has something for you and it’s truly for you, he will make a way.
Change is never easy. Whether the change is good and we welcome it or it’s terrible and we dread it, change comes with uncertainty. In the end though, fear doesn’t stop change, it amplifies it. So, instead of focusing on some of the negatives that are associated with change, lead your children in choosing to focus on the positive. With change, comes an opportunity to start fresh, improve and move forward. Growth never manifests when we stay stagnant. On the other hand, movement propels us to new heights and forces us out of our comfort zone.
For New Year’s resolutions this year, challenge yourself and your kids to embrace change. Subsequently, you just may find that as you embrace the changes you face, you’ll teach your kids to do the same!
Dr. Jade L. Ranger is a pharmacist at The Prescription Shoppe, a full-service pharmacy that she owns with her husband. She is mom to two boys, ages 10 and 6 years old, and recently published her first book, “Mustard Seed Mentality,” available at Amazon.com.
